After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
