i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
smell my finger.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
