he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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