Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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