There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
