my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
