you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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