Define "chronic" masturbator.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
