I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
