OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
