he puts the penis in happiness.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
