I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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