My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
