maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
