Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
