He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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