eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
