I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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