alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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