I met the friendliest cop last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
