I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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