No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Couch. On fire.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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