Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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