I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
