Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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