He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
