also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
