hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
