I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
