His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
3 2 1 whiskey
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
