so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
