i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize