whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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