I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize