At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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