the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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