my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
