Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
