He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
