I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
