i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
