ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
