I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
