Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
