My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
