Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
