Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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