If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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