I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
