Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
