smell my finger.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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