I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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