We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
