Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
