Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
