Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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