When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
