Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
