He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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