i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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