Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
