Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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