I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize