tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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