My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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