called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
