I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
