oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
