Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
