Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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