No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
