You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's never too late to be topless.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
