at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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