Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
