i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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