okay pat passed out under dana's car
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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