I cannot find my penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
