Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So much rum. So many feels.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
