I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
