I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i out mim tonsoeep
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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