it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
