it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
