I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
