I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
