marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
