I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
